MY DIARY??? WHY R U LOOKING

Yayy I'm a month late accordiing to my personal deadline, but it does not matter!

As of writing this entry, my neocities is finally public!!!

I've actually had everything I needed by then, but I was hoping to finish up a little uh...game. To go along with the site. It's too tricky for me to finish up in a month and I'm also just...lazy haha. So everything else goes up first!

I'm hoping to slowly pick at the mini-projects I want to include here, for example:

Shrines

Writing Archive

Character page

But idk, I think I'm quite happy with what's here right now! I'll soak in it for a bit.

In anycase, I hope you have fun looking around. A little emptier than I want it to be, but it's a start.

Wow where do I begin, this was not a bad week at all but it also feels like I got a bunch of information in the last days so it feels like a lot.

I think I'll just uh, start.

---

Weekend

I had a lovely Saturday of doing nothing but chores and chilling with my girlfriend. There are days every now and then where we've got nothing planned, we get up early to get the chores done and have the rest of the day to vibe. It's the best sort of days.

The next was a bit of a cluster fuck (an exggeration, it was mid at worst), but basically...

I had this inkling of a feeling, like I had to take out my tarot cards to see what's up. Is there a term for 'casually friendly with my deck?' without being into anything else related to the mystic arts? Because that'll be me. Anyway! I asked what I needed to know about today, and drew "The Lovers" and "Death" immediately (the cards were stuck together and I usually just roll with it). To say that me and my girlfriend HALTED EVERYTHING. It's not bad cards to draw at all, but definitely scary considering we were going out soon.

Later on my gf asked something along the lines of 'anything we need to know about the date' and I drew...I forgot which card, but it basically said that 'we'll have to prepare for things to not go to plan, and you're going to learn to be okay with it'. That's fine, I thought, so I joked about the cards warning her to not stress if her planned-to-the-dot date goes off by a little, since she had a tendency to stress.

BIG.FUCKING.MISTAKE.

Not even 5 minutes after the I said this, I find out that I actually had a meet-up with my university classmates!!! For lunch!!! And it was pre-booked so I didn't want to just bow out. The cards were warning her about ME!!!!!!!!!

She was fine with it. Because the cards pre-empted her. But also this sucked.

We ended up still going out to town anyway, I had some time before lunch and could reconvene afterwards since it was kind of in the same area. I'm very, very fortunate to have a girlfriend who was willing to go along with this and was fine exploring the area alone, and I love her very much and am forever surprised she's willing to put up with this. (This does not happen often, at all. But STILL.)

SO. We went down to Chinatown to join a stamp rally; it was fairly quick work getting the first few stamps since the venues were all close to each other. It was a shame that I had to rush, because it's such a lovely place with lovely people.

I fucked off to see my friends ig. (They're cool.)

Had pleasant conversations with them and uh, this is another bit of clusterfuck but not on my end at least???

My friend invited me to the wrong meetup and I ended up in a situation where- this meeting was meant to be for a small group of people who are more familiar with each other, and I was kinda expecting to be invited to a class meet. This was not the class meet, and this gathering did NOT involve me. But I'm there now???? ?? I'm guessing they had to roll with it and it's not the worst since I have had nice times with these people, and if I'm not mistaken they seem chill with me. But you know!!! It's a bit mortifying to be somewhere where no one expected you to be, and I hate overstepping.

I had to be convinced by my friend who put me in that situation that everyone was fine with it. I don't believe that but ok.

Not really sure how to gauge it? Not bad, not even close to it, but I think I'm very aware that I did not put much effort into keeping up with people from university and that eats at me. Someone mentioned this online and I think it describes how I feel in most social situations: that I will always feel like I am a guest in someone else's house, and will never fully feel like I am welcomed. So I just, don't?? Try??

Also sth sth relationships are two-ways. I think we just enjoy the time we have together whenever that is, and that's enough lol.

Uh, so. Meet-up done! I also finally got added to the correct one too.

Went back to my girlfriend, who had wandered around and chilled at a cat cafe. We continued our stamp hunt.

I got to talk to someone who worked at the tea shop there; I'm looking into some...beginner friendly tea? My coworker introduced me to his Pu'er collection and I was impressed enough to check it out for myself. Loose leaves are meant to be more affordable but uh, these were out of my price range lol. But the staff were really nice and recommended some that fit my tastes more, and mentioned that I could ask them to brew a little just to taste. We has to run off to the next stop (we had a thrift store sales to hit too), but I got the shop's handle and would love to come back again.

Also bought some chinese medicine for my mum.

Finished the stamp rally, saw a bunch of chinese uncles gathered around two who were duking it out on the chess table. Their pieces were all substituted with green and yellow bottle caps. God, I love Chinatown. We got free postcards from completing the rally!

Ran off to catch a train to the thrift store. There was a huge sales deal that my gf did not want to miss, and I just like thrifting. It was in such a....building with character. Cramped hallways and closed stores, but the basement had so much life. There were two food stalls, a coffee place and a bakery, that had seats cramped on one side of the hallway - it smelled divine. The lady in charge of the thrift store greeted us as we came up, handed us bags immediately (it was a 'stuff as much as you want in this bag for $10' sorta deal.) I ended up...filling my bag with fabric I thought I could use for scraps. I've been on the lookout for scrap fabrics that I can block print on, so sew onto other clothes. And buying jackets that were not part of the sales lol. My gf filled hers with clothing that's fitted for winter.

After this romp, we tried to get a place to sit down and snack at. But at this point we were tired and just wanted to go home. So we did!

Pretty hectic day, but I guess now that I'm not in it I would consider it well spent.

...Then I got home.

---

Cousin

I think I'll keep this part short since it's not my story to tell.

But uh, basically my cous,,,hasn't gone overseas yet? And the why and what and hows of what led up to this abrupt, life-changing decision stemmed from much deeper issues.

All I can say is that I'm worried about my cousins, and I want to offer help where I can. It's good to know that you're seen as an adult figure that they trust enough to approach, but also there's some pain in knowing that someone this young has to be brave so fast.

And I need to keep an eye out for them.

---

Job

This is entirely a non-sequiter, I have no real way of pivoting from the above.

I got...a contract renewal! For 2 years! Which is not what I was expecting at all, but in this economy I'll take it. It was a pleasant surprise, especially after all my uncertainty. I won't celebrate just yet because I haven't signed off on it, but...it's there. I have many thoughts about being in creatives (animation, specifically) and I'll probably tackle it in another entry. But uh, yea! Happy news on this front.

---

Others

Got accepted into an art market. Gonna be crunching because I only have 2 months to prep and I have not worked on anything new for a year.

I also started playing around with a music program called Bosca Ceoli! I have no formal music training (besides like, idk a few weeks of Pop music piano classes when I was 12), so I am totally green to music making. I've tried my hand with it when I was a teen, importing piano midis of songs I made and fixing it up in FL Studios...genuinely thought I could be the full game dev team by being the programmer, artist and musician. Idm being fueled by hubris if it meant I was picking up something new haha.

The program is simple enough to pick up, but I truly am just going off vibes and it's...uh, not working out. I think I need to learn music theory lol.

.......also did I mention I started using Twine again???

(Many things!! All at once. My progress is slow but at least I am free.)

had a nice weekend :D

Did wheel-throwing pottery with my girlfriend, found out it's actually quite hard. The instructor had to come over multiple times to help me, but overall I had fun.

Spent the rest of that day wandering around the city, snagged a father's day gift (a scented candle!) and went to a pasta place I've never tried before. It was really nice...I would like to go again.

Idk why but I was ravenous that day, kept eating food. I don't have the besttt relationship with food and have a small appetite, but over the years it has gotten much better! ( Turns out if you don't stress or punish someone for not eating and letting them figure out what they like or not, opens a lot of doors! Also trying to navigate sensory issues slowly and again, this helps a lot. Do you know I used to avoid eating vegetables altogether? Or even pasta? Now I like them. It's quite bizarre.)

We took it as a win.

Wowow, many things happened in the last 2 weeks. I'm going to attempt Structuring my blogs now because I have a tendency to ramble.

To start with where I'm at currently....

I'm on leave today just for kicks. It's the long drought in the middle of the year where there's no public holidays, so I'm making the holidays lol. Been meaning to take a break and I'm happy to spend it chilling next to my girlfriend, who unfortunately is still on the clock. At home. Remote work is cool actually.I'm going to take the chance to catch up on my chores and indulge in my hobbies! Tomorrow we'll be going on a Pottery Date, so I'm looking forward to that, too.

---

Swimming

I WENT!!!! I got in the water and froze up immediately after realising I do not...actually remember how to even breathe. My colleagues were very supportive and helped run me through the steps of getting used to being in the water again, and I practiced in the corner of the lap pools haha.

Eventually I got the hang of it and managed to swim like, half-lap distances that turned into quarter laps because it was exhausting. I used to do 20 laps as a kid and still had the energy to keep going???? What the fuck was I on at 12??? This experience humbled me so much, I need to work out.

But it was really fun, I enjoyed it so much that I'm considering making this a bi-weekly thing. I got to go get dinner afterwards with my colleagues and had a generally pleasant time -- I don't hang out very much or talk with them outside of work, so this is a first.

---

Cousin Outing

I brought my younger cousins, a brother and sister, to an Escape room, as a semi "Goodbye outing before you leave to study overseas" event but also just to have fun. Neither of them have gone before!! Wild!! It's not the first time we introduced them to things (like the arcade...do kids not go to the arcade?? I must correct that and introduce them to Taiko No Tatsujin or the washing machine game.)

We started off with a nice lunch outside the venue (which is at a science center), then immediately had to run to the escape rooms because apparently we had to be there 15 mins earlier!!! Staff were super cool people, locked us in two glass boxes and didn't tell us the game already started.

I feel like I shouldn't go into the deets of the escape room because that kills the spirit of it, so just...in broadstrokes we kinda sucked at first HAHA. We couldn't escape the first room for a solid 15 minutes, but each little discovery of the clues were so electrifying. The kids had fun decoding ciphers and getting sequences right. We didn't escape in the end because we got to the last room with about 1 minute left to spare, and it was in that moment as well that we found out...we lost the walkie talkie the staff gave us for clues. Spent the last 30 seconds frantically finding it, because I mean. It sucks that we couldn't finish it, but we probably weren't able to anyway, and losing the property of the venue's?? Huge nono, very bad.

The staff came in and just talked into their walkie. We found it in the ball pit.

...BUT we got real close and I think for a first attempt, it was pretty good! I think in the end all of us were just happy to have fun.

Outside the escape rooms, we tried to do a photobooth thing for keepsakes. It was...expensive, $10 for one strip, but I figured it's worth it. EXCEPT!!! We went in after paying and found out the camera was skewed in it's protective case, which meant that it couldn't capture all of us unless we squished into a corner. After lots of panicked screaming as the countdown ran out and we struggled to pose for each shot, we got 4 very interesting pictures that were half blocked out. It was so disastrous, but so funny. Definitely something to bring up if we looked back at it.

We spent the rest of the day exploring the venue, watched a show where they put a guy in a metal cage to be zapped by a Tesla coil. While he was seated so perfectly still in his chair, the MC addressed the kids gathered:

He's fine btw.
But that got a chuckle out of us.

We went over to a nearby mall to chat and get some Bingsu. Followed them on their detour as they ran their errands, and went home. I should be seeing my youngest cousin one more time before she flies off, we're not actually sure... but I think however it goes it'll be alright.

---

Deltarune

I spent a day to finish it because I KNOW I will be useless if I don't. By the end of it, it got me really nostalgic for my Undertale phase...Like I know the story is progressing, and I am always at the edge of my seat to find out what else the story is going to throw at us.

...But also once, I was 17 and picked up Undertale because I saw Temmie post about it on her tumblr, and went "Oh! Supoprt indie, let's gooo" and it changed my fucking life. Didn't know Toby Fox, didn't know UT was an anticipated kickstarter project. Made it everyone's problem in the following year.

(You know, when you were so insane over something once you can't look at it again for a really long time? That's Undertale for me. I get too overwhelmed by my emootions I just avoided it for years after, but recent'y it's gotten better lol. The fandom...and some things that happened when I engaged in it did turn me away. But it's the past...)

Engaging in Deltarune now, when I'm older and perhaps just don't have the energy or space to be super engaged is definitely different. I'm more content just experiencing it as it is, happy to be here...watching the story unfold instead of being part of it. (Which I guess is the point?)

Oh! But it's getting me to doodle again. I attribute a lot of my artistic and writing improvements to UT because of how much it inspired me to make things, so to see this still be true now is quite something.

Also idk this guy is fun.

---

Others...

I've got nothing. Maybe something. I subscribed to WBN's patreon and am blowing through their fireside chat?It's motivating me to try plan my campaigns again - probably going to dedicate today towards that.

Happy Pride!

Halfway through the year, I'm surprised I got here. Not really sure what to expect in the next half, but I hope it is uneventful.

I'm trying to dig up my day-to-day that isn't just work and comatosing afterwards. My memory is pretty horrible so this makes it difficult...but this is an attempt.

I ammm thinking of applying to art markets again! Nothing confirmed because it's still in the talks with my friends (if we are all going, we're hoping to stack our tables together to make a huge booth), but still exciting. I've been wanting to pivot my merch to zines so this is my chance to indulge ; though zines about what? Who know! My notes app is full of half-baked ideas so maybe I'll dig around for something I'm still interested in. Also to maybe expand my sticker catalogue because right now it's quite limited. I know I would like to start doing wooden keychains, though...about what? I have no idea. Maybe I'll keep it to what I already have.

---

My cousin came back for a week (she works in Japan) and I got to talk to her for a grand total of 5 minutes before she had to leave. It was stilted in the way where you're not used to talking to a person, but are trying to have a conversation anyway. I think she's happier though, and that's the most important part.

I'm going to say goodbye to another soon, a younger cousin who is moving to Australia for studies. My sister and I are going to bring her out before she flies off and...idk! It's bittersweet and it's scary, but I hope we give her one good memory at home before she goes to a new one. I feel...hm, it's a little sad how half the family I grew up with are now overseas. We're all just going about life, but I think I'm always gonna wish I have a little more time with everyone.

(I just passed by a child, running a plastic card through the railings that blocked off a canal and smiling as it goes taktaktak. I saw an older man do this too, on the way back from my office. Humans are cool.)

Okay I shouldn’t get so sentimental in the morning.

---

continued later, after the day has ended.

I am perpetually held hostage by the whims of my boss. I will not elaborate.

Anyway! I'm excited to go swimming again; I was convinced by my colleagues to join them and I'm finally heading into the waters after...13 years!! Of not going swimming.

My reasons of stopping was mostly to do with what I now recognise as Gender Dysphoria, but also just being an awkward teenager who was going through awkward changes and Didn't Want to be mostly bare in public. It took maybe too long for me to realise I can just buy a swim suit that covered everything, but vy then I had no real incentive.

I won't deny, the main reason why I finally agreed was because my knee starting doing this funny, popping thing where it clicks and feels like it's about to fall out. Hopefully being in the water uh, helps that. So my knee doesn't give way randomly.

---

Progress has halted with Haven's model, I got to weight painting and realised:

the topology wasn't that great for this

i really don't like weight painting (in blender)

I think there's better ways that I have not learnt yet, so I'm gonna take a step back and try to rig other simpler shapes just to get used to what Blender can offer. I'm still stuck on the method I learnt in school, which was putting weights on vertexs in 3dsMax. It's always frustrating having to relearn something you already should know, but I'll get through it.

I also...hm. There's another issue that'll take too long to explain, but to sum up: I modelled Haven's eyes and eyelashs separatedly, and now can't find a way to parent it to the head bone. His head rotates with the bone, but not the eyes.

...I might take multiple steps back, haha. But at least I found out how to model and texture something.

I haven't gotten a chance to fiddle with normal maps and the like; does Blender have an in-program baking system? Can we sculpt a high poly model and bake it into a lower one? I'm quite excited by the prospects, because having Blender be an all in one means I don't have to try pirate Substance Painter haha.

(I did hear Marmoset Toolbag was robust too, but haven't personally used it for anything other than a turnaround and material previewer. Because...it looks cool. When you are able to export and let people view your model.)

Right, um...I forgot where I was going with this! I'm taking detours with my Blender journey, I guess. My dreams of having a little Haven model to pose and do silly gifs of remains a distant dream...

Oh right, progress pic. Not everything went sideways. I learnt how to make a cel-shaded shader and got reintroduced to PHOTOSHOP TEXTURINGGG (I haven been spoiled by Substance Painter). Also learnt a really ham way to control textures for facial expressions -- I feel like using it may run me into problems BUT it's a good start. I'm just happy to be learning so much.

Dusted off blender and made...this!

I haven't done a 3D model since my uni days. So this is an achievement haha. It's amazing how much making this site it pushing me to do things I 'always wanted to do', having a concrete goal post is a great motivator.

Doing this is extremely validating to me, a person who generally has trouble finishing anything without external pressure, and often would feel shame in never committing to a project. There's always this bitter aftertaste as well, of knowing that I was always able to achieve all of these but because of being disillusioned with what I -should- be doing, wasted a lot of time running around panicking and ultimately became a depressed burnt out lump for 2 years.

I talk about that time often because it affected me so much, and this year, in a place that I've -always- wanted to be in... I'm spending a lot of time deconstructing what happened, what didn't, and what I want out of all of this.

I've been listening to a lot of Creative Block while I'm working in the office, and it's been so inspirational and heart soothing in a way I haven't felt...ever lol.

Hearing Danny Hynes talk about how he nervously pumped out 20 sketches out of sheer anxiety because he was handing it to people he respected, only to end up with sub-par work really resonated with me.

And idk! I don't get to talk about it in-depth, especially the emotional and more vulnerable aspects of working in creatives. None of my friends are in the same line of work (pre-production), and I would Not approach my coworkers for this because I get a distinct feeling it will just look like weakness.

It gets a little lonely, not being able to level with another person about something that is my day to day.

The only time I ever have to write is on the train. Today I'm not packed up like sardines, so no one is looking over my shoulder being kaypoh (slang for busybody), so I'll take the chance to write out some thoughts. (Huh...I don't talk about my day-to-day as much as I do my musings/reflections. I have a lot of thoughts that repeat. I'm probably going to write about the same topics and not realise it.)

Anyway! I'm just happy that making this site has pushed me to pick up different things, the stuff I always said I wanted to.

I started doing pixel art again -- nothing fancy, but that I'm animating at all is a feat, since I haven't done that for what must be years. At some point over the years, I convinced myself that this was a medium I only ever did for commission work ( 50 point icons on deviantART, baby!!!), or school, so beyond that scope I've never quiteee made much for leisure? I hope to change that.

I also picked up blender for the nth time, but this round I made a *shader*. I wanted a spinning text logo that sparkles and I was like: "i mean i did get force fed 3D classes in uni so". I did it. I've never done shaders before and it's...fun! I'm quite surprised. (The fact that I don't have to do much extra things for it helps, thanks Blender for being an all-in-one.)

Somewhere down the line, I would like to 3D model an animal crossing version of Haven. A pipe dream at the moment though.

Ah wait the point has gotten away from me. I just wanted to say that I've been meaning to learn these things properly (blender, pixel art, web dev), and never got around to it because I was always afraid I was wasting time? Or the shadow of "UPSKILL FOR PORTFOLIO AND HIREABILITY" always haunted me, so I ended up becoming so miserable I avoided it.

I have...many feelings about art and how it being a career has messed with my perception of it. I still love it too much to stop, but the jadedness and fear is there. So to build this neocities and truly have it for fun, away from everyone that knows me...is extremely freeing.

...

So the lesson here is run into the woods, cut off all my connections and learn to love again!!! (This is the wrong takeaway.)

lmaooo what, my 4 day work weeks are going awayyyy. For about...I think 5 weeks straight, there was a public holiday on every weekend (one being the elections). So while work is still hectic, I feel a little more like a human again.

I also got a chance to *GASP* go out with my friends! We celebrated their collective birthdays in May by singing our hearts out at a karaoke, then having yakiniku. Through this meeting I am suddenly reminded that life is nice actually, and not just whatever the fuck happens day to day at work.

It's at this point where I go on a huge ramble about corporate angst, and how I don't know if I want to stay or leave my job. I decided to leave it out because, while I can get anal about recording what 'might be important' reference for the future, I also don't want to set a precedent where I'm turning this into a vent page only.

A long time ago, my psychologist pointed out I only ever recorded times that I was upset, so I'm trying to make it a point to record happy or entirely mundane things.

Point is, I got to meet my friends. We sang 'Every Time We Touched - Cascada', stood up, jumped around and headbanged. I had a tambourine in my hand shaking to the beat. I caught up with them after months of not meeting, and found out that we are more or less going through the same phase of life. All working adults! Wow. We've been friends for a decade, and I'm happy to have them in my life.

I think I need to make time to see the people I love.

what the fuck.

Wow I'm trying not to have this turn into a website progress tracker, but I find that it's most of what I can talk about.

I'll make it quick on that front: Media page is just about ready, needs me to actually write reviews lol. Remodeled my blog so it's just a looongggg scroll instead of a collasping div; while that is probably more accesible and convenient, I don't really want my journal to be convenient to look through.

You gotta scroll to find out my deepest darkest thoughts!!!

Other news...life is going. Work is whatever. I'm finding that, in my first year as a junior concept artist I don't actually enjoy designing? I mean I do sometimes, but it has become quite meh. Perhaps the truth is closer to this, I don't enjoy doing work that is someone else's IP. I find myself daydreaming about the days where I was deep in unemployment hell, but going to art conventions and having full agency over my art.

By no means was it pretty; boothing comes along with its own demons re: making 'general' merchandise for a wider audience, gearing your art to be marketable, being an unrelenting shill etc. But dammit it was mine.

There's this nagging feeling that gets louder as the years go by; if I'm waiting for some point to reach before I give myself permission to make art that I alone liked, and not art that is for clients or a general audience. Chasing the algorithms, trying to become hireable by generalising and adapting, I think I lost something along the way.

I enjoy studio work so far, in the way it's cool to be part of a bigger ship...but I don't know. I don't think I will know what I want until I see more of the world.

...and I also really, really want to be making art for myself.

Trying to work on the Chromezone character page. It'll be my first shot at making this whole site from scratch, without relying on a preexisting layout. The idea is to have 'desktop like' layout to this, with windows that open upon clicking a button. Difficult for a beginner. Why am I doing this.

Because I love making life hard, I spent all my rest time today trying to figure out how to make multiple draggable divs. I only got one to work, but the framework of it...is already wrong for what I want to do.

...Is it time to learn javascript?

I don't think it's time wasted, even if I'll be deleting all my code from today. I learnt that you can stack multiple div classes on top of each other, which makes it so much easier. And that classes have subclasses.

I haven't gotten around to knowing howwww to structure my CSS to be flexible and reusable, though I'm not too stressed about it. Maybe one day I'll look back and cringe at the spaghetti code lol but not now.

Heyyy first post!

i'm writing this as the site is being built, so by the time it actually goes live, it has probably been months.

To start with what I'm presently doing:

Anndddd now to continue my neocities reflections!

This is not the first time I've tried my hand at neocities -- my very first was in...must be 2022-ish? Where I fiddled with HTML for the first time, I didn't quite understand it and left. Second was in 2024, another brief stint, but at least this time I got as far as getting the skeleton structure of a homepage out. The most important part was the blog, which I have archived under 2024’s section! Didn't post very much, but that's just how it is with me.

What was different this time were these:

I got really into indie web stuff

I installed Visual Studio Code and its live preview plug-in

The ease of switching file to file on a side tab, and the instant gratification of seeing changes live without hitting the refresh button on the browser -- mwah. 10/10.

...also the built-in autofills helped a bunch. In this, I appreciate the usability of VSCode. It has helped me improve in leaps and bounds and hey! I actually understand what I'm doing now! I'm not sure how long this will last, given my pension to pick up an interest and put it down quickly, but I will treasure it while it's here.

My job, due to it taking all of my time, has effectively forced me to split up my efforts working on my site into smaller sessions...which, is helping? I think? It prolongs my interest lol and right now I got nothing else going on. Maybe reading House of Leaves.

Hmm yea! I'm running out of things to say!

I could repeat the why part of my presence here, which is also in my about. I think it is a common sentiment for anyone who is on neocities:

Social media SUCKKSS. The climate of the internet right now is horrible, increasingly hostile, and I simply do not feel safe on it!

(Also being on twitter I found I do Not like attention. When my art hits anything above 100 likes I get overwhelmed and have to hide.)

There are many things I feel like I have lost to this capitalistic rat race, and a place for myself and my friends on the interwebs is one of them.

I grew up on the mid to late 2000s web, had my beginnings as an artist on deviantART, so much of my life and identity have been built online. To see what it has become hurts, and this is an attempt to reclaim that.

I don't think that is all to this phenomenon; it's a band-aid at best and for change to happen, there has to be action. But it would be remisted of me to deprive myself of joy when the world is so shit. So uh.

Cozy...cottagecore homepage..!!! Yay..!!!!
(maxing out copium here)

Incidentally, Haven was made specially to allow me to indulge in fancies, away from all stressors in life. So this was all intentional, 100%. Yes.

Okay i must stop rambling. The train ride is ending. I hope to catch you all again (an imaginary audience!) on the next one.

Cyaaaa!

I decided to use zonelets for my blog because it's a lot neater than me hamming it haha.

I also...hm. I was going to write something here, had a topic floating around in my head but I lost it while doing all of this. Perhaps I'll revisit that when it comes back to me, but for now I'll just talk about what's been going on so far!

Recently, I picked up traditional art again. I'm a digital artist by trade, I haven't had any time or reason to use traditional mediums. But I've been on a long string of 'fuck it' since last year, so...

Dug out my copic markers to see if they were still any good, and to my surprise, some still had ink! Some dried out, which is a shame but understandable after what- 7 to 8 years? That's close to a decade! I bought them when I was still in secondary school...

Anyway, a few did work and that was pretty cool.

Similarly, I tried my dip pen again with black India ink. When I first bought it, I didn't know how to use any of them! So I just dunked it in my cabinet, never to see the light of day for years until now. Picking it up again, it was…quite simple, actually! Maybe it's the experience I have now that helped.

A lot of what's spurring me to do traditional art again is mostly to just clear it out. I have so many things that I bought once on a whim and never used! It's also incentive for me to uh, stop giving in to the urge to get more art supplies and hobby materials when I don't actually need it lmao.

Keeps my brain occupied and happy - now that I think about it. Neocities is on the same vein.

I need to talk about how I hop about multiple activities/projects just to keep myself happy one day, Not now though.

My site is held together poorly by tape and bandaids, and I wanted to have it be more presentable before I started making blog entries but I reallly want to write. One day I'll have a proper CSS file to reference back to, but atm it's all...individual styling. Copy and pasted. Quite unfortunate for the future me who has to clean this up.

//edit: I switched to Zonelets real quick, so I ended up not needing to do all of this!

So anyway, hi! Hello. First post, I don't really know what to say.

I'm XXXX. I draw a lot, write a lot ('cept I don't post them much). I wanted a space for myself, a hidey-hole for me to indulge in things I like. I've been told by my partner, lovingly, that I seem to enjoy reorganising the same information over and over. My Evernote, Obsidian, Toyhouse, Notion is all a testament to that. Neocities is just the biggest and most versatile.

...I don't really want to examine that too closely!!! Anyway, like a lot of other people, I'm on this platform to do fuck-all. Also, like a lot of other people, I am...tired lol. I miss the net where I was able to customise my youtube and deviantART page, I miss community spaces, the allowance to have a place of your own without all this corporate, 'professional' junk in the way. Social Media has become too businessy! Too cold! I'm suffering from an extremely bittersweet nostalgia surge so I'm massively coping by being here! --Something or another.

Also idk having like one website to just. Have everything? A place to journal, post art, writing, talk about my OCs without needing to separate my accounts...

I might just be missing old dA a lot lmao.

If there's one thing I'm not so sure about, it's community? I'm not too sure how people...talk to each other here. A part of me would like to hide forever and just build my little empire here, but! I do enjoy the social aspect of being online sometimes. I'll look into what I can do about that, maybe a chatbox or sth.

It doesn't help that I am at a time of my life where the dissonance from adulthood is very prevalent. It's the funny period of 'I feel too young to be in my mid-twenties' and having to be an adult anyway, which I've tried to navigate with grace and failed epicly at. Things are very day-to-day for me right now. So uh, massively coping is accurate.

Perhaps this will help me get closer to becoming a functioning human, just by talking it out. (lmao i wish. nice thought tho)

I would like to be more candid here, something I find difficult on my other accounts by virtue of how public it is. It's exhausting having to keep up an image; I don't think I'm faking anything maliciously when I'm 'on main', just that there's a certain decorum that's expected. I could get into it more but it's like, 1AM and I'm tired. (also idk a part of me wants to be mentally ill openly without an entire audience watching. I would at least like the illusion that no one is looking, so this site works for me!)

(off-tangent, i 100% wanted to start talking about being mentally ill first; the whole reason why i hashed out the blog structure was to do that)

(but i figured it would be kinda bad to start my first blog entry like that lmaoooooooo so (as if this is any better but! thought that counts yea?))

I don't know how to end this! I think I've fulfilled the 'first post' quota, I need to sleep.

Hi world, and good night! Looking forward to fucking around more here.